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Thread: Jokes Jokes Jokes

  1. #1821
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    "Your the laziest person we have ever employed Smith , you've been caught asleep on more than one occasion your always late you never reach your targets and are so lethargic it's unreal , I thought you said you used to work on a farm ?!"

    "Yes I did. A cannabis farm "

  2. #1822
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    A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.
    He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
    Passenger: " Who?"
    Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He was a man who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Brian every single time."
    Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
    Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
    Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
    Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
    Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
    Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
    Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
    Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his bloody widow."

  3. #1823
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    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

  4. #1824
    MDL Novice jadinolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mavericks Choice View Post
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
    I'm surprised you are just learning that.
    This post is printed on 100% recycled bytes

  5. #1825
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    An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini.
    "I want to feel your breasts," he exclaimed.

    "Get away from me, you crazy old man," she replied.

    "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty pounds" he says.

    "Twenty pounds? Are you mad!? Get away from me!"

    "I want to feel your breasts. I will give you one hundred pounds" he says.

    "No! Get away from me."

    "TWO HUNDRED POUNDS" he says. She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, "I said No!"

    "FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS" if you let me feel your breasts," he pleads.

    She thinks, well, he is old, and he seems harmless enough.. and five hundred pounds is a lot of money.... "Well, OK.. but only for a minute," she says.

    She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel... and then he starts saying, "OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.." while he is caressing them.

    So out of curiosity, she asks him, "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my god, oh my god'?" While continuing to feel her breasts he answers, "OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.. OH MY GOD.. where am I going to get five hundred pounds from".

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