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Thread: Jokes Jokes Jokes

  1. #1771
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    Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate
    of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
    The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts
    flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
    ''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''
    ''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.
    "He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.
    "Oh, so sad dear me..'' says the other.

    ''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''
    ''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such
    curly hair when he was born.''
    ''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.

    ''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.
    ''And this is my third son. My baby My beautiful Ahmed. He would
    have been 18'', she whispers.

    "Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he
    first started school...''
    ''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

    After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully
    at the photographs and,
    searching for the right words, says .......





    "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

  2. #1772
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    Retirement....
    The longer you've been together, the funnier this becomes

    An elderly couple were at home watching TV.

    Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

    Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For god's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"


    I bet you didn't see that coming...!!

  3. #1773
    MDL Addicted nodnar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mavericks Choice View Post
    Retirement....
    The longer you've been together, the funnier this becomes

    I bet you didn't see that coming...!!
    if only you had given it the right title. maverick, `marriage`, i would have seen it coming.
    Last edited by nodnar; 17 Feb 2017 at 03:06.
    “Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you” Joseph Heller

  4. #1774
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    A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a Starbucks cafe discussing who had the superior culture.
    Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we Greeks built the Parthenon" and arched his eyebrows.

    The Scotsman replies, "Well ... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."

    The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

    The Scotsman, nodding in agreement says, "Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars."

    And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says,
    "The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!"

    The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to the women!"

  5. #1775
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    Two Irish nuns sat at traffic lights in their car when a bunch of rowdy
    drunks pulls up alongside.

    "Oi, get your tits out, you penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

    The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who
    we are - show them your cross".

    So Sister Immaculata winds down her window and shouts, "Screw off you little
    wankers, before I come over there and rip your balls off"!

    Sister Immaculata looks across to an open-mouthed Mother Superior and asks,
    "Was that cross enough?"

  6. #1776
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    The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

    The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

    Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

    "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

    The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

    "Yes?" said the Instructor.

    "I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

    Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?



    This level of sensitivity can't be taught.

  7. #1777
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    Fred and Fiona were making passionate love in Fred's Transit van when suddenly Fiona (being a bit on the kinky side) yells out: "Oh, fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
    Fred, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, opened the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Fiona until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
    About a week later, Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping session are not healing and starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
    The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks: "Did you get these marks having sex?"
    Fiona a little too embarrassed that she had even slept with Fred let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires, eventually admits that, "Yes, I did."
    Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims: "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor, you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

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